The mind

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Looking back at my many years of Panic, this really hits home. The times where I struggled most were the times I listened to my mind-my inner voice-exclusively. The first step in my recovery was keeping busy, things like crossword puzzles, Christmas village painting or even power cleaning my house! So yes, there was a benefit to my  Panic-I am sure I had the cleanest house in town. As well as being the best maintained, and newest-as I would complete redoing one room, I would move on to the next. And lets not forget a complete siding job and 6 foot cedar fence outside!

The point to this is that the only time I was able to think “normally”-without the negativity and depression, was as I worked. I am not a doctor or a psychiatrist-I just know myself and this became, for me, the best way to sort through my thoughts and feelings. Just sitting and constantly thinking would quickly lead to more stress, and accelerate my Panic. I figured the key was etching out some relaxation time-well, maybe not relaxation but periods of lower stress. The only times I would experience seemed to be when I was very tired, or very busy. All other times would leave the door open for my issues to overwhelm me. So my goal became constant motion leading to exhaustion. While this may sound intimidating, the good thing was each time I would wear myself out the period of lower stress would became longer-this in turn allowed more of the “normal” thinking about myself and my situations. Listening to my soul, not my demons.

Now getting to that point was not an overnight thing, but each time I did it became less scary, and my level confidence rose. I began to see that I was not going crazy-I was not going to die. The battle against my inner demons tipped more and more in my favor. And all it took was a little work!

 

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